Another Mother F*cking hurdle as a working mum!

So here is a quick round up of the past few weeks..

Here I am once again with my very limited child free time, trying to keep my online and offline presence in that big wide world!

My theme and focus lately has been NETWORK NETWORK NETWORK!!! After all isn't it who you know rather than what you know?


So where do you start with networking.. At an event of course.. First hurdle: I have a husband who works late (my friend calls it a new media widow).. here I am having repeated to him 5,000 times I have 2 networking events so he has to do the child relay with me.. only for those plans the be stamped on like a little ant on a zebra crossing! Of course he has to work late!! OF COURSE!!
Ok plan B neighbours, friends.. distant relatives? Oh my poor little angel...being passed around at the bedtime hour, just so mummy can go out and try and rally up some business! Nothing is easy..

When I finally got to the first event #WorkthatWorks everybody was milling around drinking prosecco.. oh I'll have a juice then being 5 months pregnant.. second fail of the night.. lucky the rest of the night proved to be an enlightening experience.

An all business woman panel, Motherpukka..who rocks, head of the Women's Equality party..who equally rocks, and head of Not On The High Street..What a line up!!

After an inspiring evening I left feeling the girl power.. and also with a slight anger about the difficulties working mothers face and the distance us mothers still have to go in order to convince people flexible working is NOT daylight robbery.. it's the way forward!! If the work is done, does it matter!!??  Do we have to sit on functional chairs with tiled carpet offices and strip lighting, fighting with every other fucker who's commuting at the same time in order to get to work on time and then having to leave early wading through those piercing daggers, just because you have to pick up your child! This is the modern day!! What is there to not understand about flexible working??!! #Workthatworks all the way!

Anyhow, that was last week.. this week didn't actually fair any better!  So here I am trying to arrange a networking event for mums, with a company that's actually for mums, that is until I received an e-mail saying as I am pregnant she didn't think I was 'able' to run a networking event and she didn't want to to affect her reputation by cancelling these events last minute..  OMG.. WTF!!!   Here I was last week all inspired that a group of women are pioneering thought change on how the world sees working mothers and then 2 blinks later I get dropped by a company thats an advocate for Working Mothers... I don't think I have faced this much adversity and difficulty to make something work as I have since being pregnant.. Needless to stay I responded with a stern letter!

Note to world, I am pregnant.. I do not have leprosy!!!

So once again I've had to dust myself down..turn around and give the finger and say, you know what.. I'll just do it myself!!

So that's where I am.. I am now organising a networking event!  If I am having these problems surely there are others???

So London Mums Network has been set up.. I'll now be spending the next few weeks promoting the F*ck out of it.. so watch this space!! I will not surrender!!

Food To Keep Those Germs Away

Winter is on it's way and as all parents know this means 'sniffle season' is just around the corner!

Toddlers can be very fussy eaters, so these foods might have to be sneaked into meals in a creative way. But just think, if it keeps them healthy that little bit longer, then it'll be worth it in the end!

Vegetables can be blended for sauces, fruits can be smoothed for smoothies and fish, eggs or meat can be shredded and hidden in pastas, omelettes or rice dishes...We are very sneaky!

Or alternatively make a funny face with the food, get them to help in the preparation, Mums.. I have faith, you will find a way! :)

I've highlighted a few important food groups for this winter, include these in most of your meals and you'll be doing mighty well..


Vitamin C

Good old Vitamin C! It's an antioxidant, so helps fight the bugs, it's other cool powers are to boost our immune system.. Putting it into layman terms, prepping the army ready for the fight.


Eat :-

Oranges, Peppers, Broccoli, Berries, Kiwi, Strawberries, Lemon,
Green Leafy veg, Mushrooms are some of the major contenders but most vegetables and fruits contain good amounts of Vitamins C.







Tryptophan

That's a long word! Believe you me it has it's uses... It's role?.. well it helps us stay happy, and also helps with our circadian rhythm (sleep pattern). And we all know if our little ones are happy and getting enough sleep our lives are always so much better.

Eat :-

Oily Fish, Salmon, Bananas, Turkey - Yey not just for christmas!






Vitamin D

Not a secret..this is non existing in the British winter, it keeps your child's bones and teeth strong and healthy and is another great vitamin for the immune system.

Eat:-

Eggs, Oily Fish, and not a personal fan but look out for foods fortified in Vitamin D


Zinc

Great for boosting the immune system

Eat:-

Eggs, Beef, Lamb, Lentils, Cashews



Other foods

Garlic - This is a superfood, antiviral, antibacterial, anticoagulant, anti vampire (well it might keep away the monsters ;))

Ginger - Can be great for coughs and sore throats.. Also another one for building a strong immune system. Fresh is obv the best.. But why not try out homemade ginger biscuits..or pop some in a noodle dish..

Honey - Not only soothing on a spoon to help with sore throats and coughs, It's also antibacterial.




If you need any recipe ideas, I stumbled across this fab website www.superhealthykids.com, where if you are all out of ideas of what to cook, just a quick flick through and you'll definitely be inspired and raring to go!

Stay At Home v Nursery: The Age Old Debate

After losing my job and starting my own business at home. I've had to rethink my childcare plans. Since my little girl was 11 months old she's always been to nursery.  Only 3 days a week, but still consistently 8-6pm 3 days a week. But as any small business start up will tell you, initially money is infrequent and you have to cut back where you can.

So what cut back was in questions??.. the second biggest expense of our household of course.. The Nursery!

This did send me into panic mode..how was I meant to do any work with a toddler at home?? and how will I cope with a toddler at home full time??!! I know other people do it, but I was rather enjoying my life of having a few days to myself.. I know working doesn't really count, but I could browse around the shops, have a cup of tea, or even catch up with friends for lunch and actually have a 'whole conversation'. But I had to be realistic, we were now short of money, and common sense had to prevail.

After MANY discussions, my husband agreed we didn't want to pull our little girl out of nursery totally, as she LOVES it there. But the 3 days was now out of the question.. For now we've settled on just 2 days (still bloody expensive) but for now at least it works..

My previous statement of 'days to myself' is a little redundant, as my 2 days are now packed with trying to drum up business.. no swanky lunches or trips to the shops.. my bum is firmly rooted to the chair from drop off to pick up! However, even just 2 days a week was a blessing, to all concerned!

This did make me think. After having a child, I think the biggest decisions and conversations in most households are concerning childcare.

Can you afford not to work?
Can you afford to work when you have to pay for childcare?
Who will do the pick ups/drop offs?
Do you want somebody else bringing up your child?
Is it better for your child to socialise?

I have many friends who have all sorts of opinions on this.  My sister was adamant nobody else was going to look after her children and she often says to me 'You're one of those career women that 'need' to work'.  But I really don't think it's that easy.

Regardless of the financial issues.. I cannot paint, make play dough, dress up, sing, dance, messy play, play games and read books the 'whole day' long like she does at nursery. At home she has to watch me cook, clean and do household chores.. How boring is that!! why would that be better than nursery??

However, since her timetable change to 2 days, I have had to be a lot more organised on those other days. On the extra day I've turned into a truly pushy parent and organised French lessons..which she certainly does not get at nursery! So have I enriched her life by minimising the days at nursery..possibly??

It does highlight how complex this childcare business is..and how we should not judge.

I'm working, but on my 'mum days' I'm trying to be as proactive as possible. But what of all those parents who decide to stay at home, but at the same time don't get out much.. Is that better for the child?

I have friends that send their child into nursery full time, but at night purposely co-sleep as it's their chance to spend as much 'non working' time together. Is that also right?

I've often thought I'd like to work a little bit more to bring more money into the household, but finding a job where I could to leave at 4:45 for a nursery run, is also slightly challenging.

So for now I'll conclude with the next time you feel guilty or unsure about your childcare decisions. You have to just say to yourself. I have to do what feels right, what is possible and what we can manage as a family. There is no right or wrong way.. There is only finding 'your way'.

Pregnancy Is A Strange Business

Being pregnant for the second time is very different.

Let me explain..Although I left it quite late at the ripe old age of 36, to have my first I was still mainly surrounded by childless singles. I suppose thats what happens in the London media industry, young or living a life of Peter Pan denying age would ever catch up.

So when I found out I was pregnant I was the first amongst my peers, and my journey was very much filled with naive excitement. Although I looked at all the possible scenarios, googled the worst that could happen, I didn't really think about it too much.

Fast forward nearly 3 years, that bit older, that much wiser and surrounded with many mums I seem to be exposed to different lifestyles and different life stories.

For example my best friend after many years of trying is nearly due with her second IVF baby, her first is 3 years old. There is absolutely nothing wrong with either parent, mysteriously they just cannot conceive naturally. Then there's a mum friend who so sadly is on her 7th miscarriage in the past year, once again for unknown reasons. And the saddest of all, and this rips my heart out, my neighbour, who tried for many years for a baby, finally with elation she conceived but cruelly and tragically was still denied a baby as she had a miscarried at 38 weeks due to a placenta problem.

These stories sent shockwaves through our household. Scenarios we never even thought of before were unfolding in front of our eyes. It just seemed that making a baby was more complicated than ever.

So at 15 weeks pregnant we are currently waiting for my blood results after our 12 week scan. We then have the nerve-wracking 20 week scan where they check for all sorts of abnormalities. I might add for my first, the 20 week scan was purely to find out the gender, I didn't even think about all the other checks which had to take place (personally I think this was a better way to be!) so for the first time ever I'm actually quite nervous.  Of course I have to think on the positive side and I have to remind myself I am already blessed with one very happy healthy toddler. However, by being close to these people, these stories have become real, they are no longer 'a friend of a friend'  they are a stark reminder of how delicate and precious life is and how making a baby is not to be taken for granted.

I might have experienced the worst morning sickness ever, and the sleepless nights have already kicked in.  But when my body is performing such an amazing task, should I expect anything less? Making a baby is a privilege, it's not a right and it certainly is no easy task. Of course I'm trying not to worry, however there is a long journey ahead, so now I feel humble and I plan to take it one day at a time.

Being the parent of a 'naughty' toddler.

I felt compelled to write this blog after spending a weekend away camping with friends and their offspring. We had loads of fun and a weekend in the country with the kids freely running about is sometimes what everybody needs. However we did leave feeling a little disappointed and embarrassed, by our inability stop our toddler from wreaking havoc. Our friends were very understanding, but it was clear who had the 'naughty child', the little unpredictable crazy firecracker. Sounds of children running barefoot in the grass giggling away were often interjected with screams and tears as my child had just pinched so hard in anger, or my favourite (I say in jest, head held in hands) was when my little girl suddenly bulldozed a little delicate, shy, minding her own business friends child to the floor.  We once again left the scene with the possibility of not receiving another invite and at a loss of what to do.

My little girl is 2 and a half and would definitely be classed as 'lively'. She is no book worm, she doesn't sit for long periods of time dressing dolls or doing puzzles. Se likes to run, climb, jump dance and anything else which doesn't require sitting down. She has been like this since birth, sat up at 4 month, stood at 6, crawled at 7 and walked at 10 month and has been going full pelt ever since.

This is amazing and I'm totally proud of her in every way, however, but humph and I hate the 'but' pauses....the downside of having a child with this extra energy is when she's not running, jumping or hopping or is over excited she has an amazing amount of energy which needs to be spent, so spending any time in close proximity with other children where she has to behave, or indoors in a closed space with other babies was/is a challenge, for 'everybody'.

If not directed properly this energy often turns into aggression, which includes anything from biting, pinching, pushing, hitting and the latest pulling hair.

This started at 18 months, and we have tried a plethora of coping tactics, from naughty steps, to explaining 'it makes us sad', to taking away treats, positive reinforcement, you name it we've tried it! And before you say it, yes we did each one long enough each time and we have been consistent. And although a year later we are nearly out of this phase, frustratingly on certain occasions the 'Jackyll' rears it's ugly head! Being hungry, tired, overwhelmed, bored or lack of attention and of course the obvious one of being antagonised, all amplifies her naughty behaviour, but sometimes she just does it because, well she's a toddler and hasn't quite figured it all out yet.

I've read many blogs and articles back to front in desperation of these miracle management tactics, what you are doing wrong as a parent and the possibility of the psychological reasons why your child might do this, and although they help with the feeling we are not on our own, they do not deal with or mention how this makes the parents feel.

So here goes.. It's bloody awful, embarrassing and truly upsetting! If your child is not like this I'd like you to read this so you might not be so judgemental next time a child comes and clonks your angel on the head! Parents struggle with this behaviour and for the majority of the time it's not their fault.

At home we do not hit, pinch, bite or pull hair, and equally she has no sibling or cousins to blame for this. She however did pal up with 2 particularly lively boys at nursery, and has come home from nursery with bruises and bite marks from these boys. But I know my daughter and she can give as good as she can get and she still carried on playing with them.. so was this to blame? I'm just not too sure.. maybe it was a contributing factor, but we will never truly know.. I'd like to add she is now in a different nursery, and is still just as feisty... She also only goes to nursery for 3 days per week, and spends 4 days with me, so she gets plenty of attention, another box ticked off the long list of possible reasons!

My daughter has 2 sides angel and devil. She is loved by so many, she has an amazing comical personality, she wins the hearts of many as she so confident, she has an awesome smile and is so very affectionate and caring, however, she can also flip to the devil child with an urge to destruct without any warning whatsoever!  I have left friends houses so many times as I've had to march her home, with us both in tears! I've had to hover over her like an eagle when she's close to small children just incase she get that urge to whack one of them around the face. I've had to apologise to new parents who look at me with total disgust as my little girl has just pushed their baby to the floor for no apparent reason. And I secretly think if there is any justice, when your precious baby turns into a toddler I hope they also cause mayhem so you know exactly what this feels like!

Sometimes I feel like I want to wear a t-shirt saying 'I'm trying here'. I do not beat my child, therefore this is not MY fault! Every child has a personality, if a child sits quietly reading and doesn't retaliate when whacked by a peer, people don't judge and say.. oo your child is a bit of a whimp!, have you tried roughhousing to toughen them up a bit?? No! people don't say that?? and why not! because it's rude! So why call my little girl a bully!?? Why give me the parent a dirty looks as if to say 'control your child'. Parenting is bloody hard enough without getting judged. As they say it takes a village to bring up a child.. tutting and giving dirty looks does not help!. The more people that explain to my child hitting is not nice and hurts the better! In fact it's a huge help because sometimes I feel like a stuck record and who wants to be continually telling their child off all the time when in social situations! The alternative is not to leave the house from the fear of what might happen if in a social situation, and frankly that would not be good for anybody! Especially not for my sanity..f

Also what makes it worse is I seem to be surrounded by children who are of the most laid back personality types you can ever get, so I sometimes feel like the only one.

However there was one day where I felt a huge relief after a discussion with a mum and I was once able to exhale with relief as her 3 year old was apparently so naughty she had resorted to half day sticker charts with you have made it through these few hours without a)hitting b)biting etc etc and she was a fantastic parent who had trained in mental health.. so yippee it wasn't my fault after all.. we just had alpha females!!

So for anybody reading this, please I ask a favour of all new parents, next time your little angel who's butter wouldn't melt get's pushed over at playgroup.  Have some compassion for the parent, please don't judge, feel free to help out, because one day it might just be you!

Morning Sickness, a Toddler and another bout of guilt!

I'm early days in my second pregnancy, 3 months to be precise.  My daughter is 2 and a half and an active little thing and for the past 8 weeks I have had the WORST morning sickness in the world (in my world anyway).  I'm glad to say I'm coming out the other end, every day thankfully it eases off.  But they were 8 long long weeks, and as my husband reminds me..for everybody concerned!

I had the same thing with my daughter and although it nearly put me off having another child, somewhere along the line whilst asleep, smurfs performed a frontal lobotomy and so I'd forgotten just how terrible I would feel. Whilst pregnant with my 1st at least I could nap when I wanted, I didn't have a small toddler hanging off me and I certainly didn't have anybody coming into the bathroom to give me a high five whilst talking into Gods telephone..yes that did happen. Bless her she had no idea what was going on.  All she knew was mummy was very poorly.

It's heart breaking as not only can you barely lift your head, you also become the most grumpiest person in the world and all I wanted to do was sleep. The past 2 months have provided a little upside for my daughter as her TV watching hours increased (which she loved!), if only to let me have 5 mins lay down on the sofa. But the human climbing frame, the spritely jump around dancing mum and the nutritious cook shop had closed for 8 weeks.. sign went up lights went off, much to her confusion and frustration. And I felt increasingly guilty as I was half the mum I usually was with a much shorter fuse.

I did interestingly find that gluten, dairy and eggs hugely affected my nausea and bloatedness, so these were cut out of my diet, which kind of made my holiday to France a little less exciting.. No French wine, no bread or cheese, and still full time nausea made Sarah a very dull girl. BUT as my workaholic husband was around, this meant our little girl was fully entertained and I could rest, thumbs up to that!

So as I'm approaching the 2nd trimester and that pesky placenta is finally taking over, I once again feel human. I'm trying to be a much better and entertaining mum, I'm trying to make up as much time as possible, before the beached whale look of the 3rd trimester and a new little sibling for my daughter to love, fight with and be jealous over arrives.

I have a feeling this whole new harder journey is just about to begin. Maybe my morning sickness was a blessing in disguise, a soft introduction to my daughter to be more independent. I'm sure having another baby will only awaken that ugly guilt monster again. Life is forever changing, new challenges are often thrown in your path and you have to deal with them, live and learn.  But when obstacles and changes are thrown in your child's path, it's natural to want to protect them. But I suppose this is another 'mum learning' experience. You change massively after your first, I suppose the change when you have a second just happens earlier!

My journey as a working mother and a relevant rant!

So my first blog was a bit of a rant.. apologies.. As all of you mums (sorry I don't know your names ;)) out there are aware.. there are just a few things that get on your goat.  Be it people touching your belly when pregnant or people calling your 6 month old girl a little boy.. it's just part and parcel of being a mum. Feels nice to get it out though!

Actually I lied, rants not totally over.. I have another one.  Don't go stay tuned this is my relevant rant!  Relevant as it's currently in the media.  It's about being a working mum. Only recently have I opened my eyes to the world of earning a living through blogging and that is because I suppose I've always been very fortunate in my career I've never really had to think about flexible work.

Unfortunately 3 months into my last pregnancy my whole company became redundant due to a takeover... This was NOT ideal, my maternity pay..gone..I had terrible morning sickness and only 5 months left before the birth to make cash.  Looking for a job whilst pregnant, is well 'Mission Impossible'. However, I have to say I was extremely fortunate and managed to bag a consultancy job with the takeover company.. tick..sorted!! phew, swerved that one! Still no big maternity pay, but statutory was better than nothing!

So baby was born, I decided to take 11 months off (we all know it's not 'off' so excuse the expression) but after that time I wanted to get back to work.. as you might have guessed I'm an independent woman!  I craved a day without my baby badge and without a nursery rhyme, plus I wanted a cup of tea and I wanted to drink it all!!  Obviously there were other reasons to return to work but bla bla bla we all know these. But I didn't want to back full time, I still wanted to be very much involved with bringing up my daughter, I also wanted to bring money into the household.  Once again I was ridiculously lucky and managed to get a job with that same company 3 days a week..yey perfecto! It was a job I had 10 yrs prior, but I didn't mind, no pressure for a year meant I had a soft landing back into the workforce. That lasted a year, before the work dried up, but once again the heavens smiled.. another department needed my help, phew once more saved... That was until I got pregnant again....not good... For us great.. for my company.. not so happy..

Within 2 weeks of telling my boss (who was a woman) I was pregnant she terminated my contract that day!! Whoa!! slap around the face.. I'd been with that company for 8 years!!! and within a day.. that's it.. can you hand me your laptop and pass pls and I'll walk you to the door.. WTF!!!!
So my luck had run out once again 3 months pregnant and no job.. and as a freelancer I couldn't do one thing about it!

Not only had I been working at a job which was below what I had previously achieved because I wanted flexible work, but having another child was one step too far for the corporate world.

So here I am, turning to my social media business.. putting every effort in to make it work.. Writing this blog and even if nobody reads it, it's cathartic, like shouting your woes into a cave.  It gets the bad stuff out and makes room for new thoughts, creative and entrepreneurial plans.  This is my new journey and I'm going to work dam hard to make this happen! See ya corporate world, who wants a Thinkpad anyway!!